Monday, 1 August 2016

Loneliness

Loneliness can come in a ton of different ways and I just want to start off by clarifying that I think there's a big difference between being alone and loneliness, as human beings we need time to be alone, it's good for our mental health, however when that turns into feeling actually alone and isolated that it becomes a problem. One thing that my readers seem to love is when i'm open, when I write about how I feel because a lot of you seem to relate and that seems to be what's growing my blog. It's hard for me to be open because i'm quite a closed person, I don't like letting things out in the open especially to people I know, which is why using this blog as a form of escape has become a regular thing, and the fact you guys love it just makes it all the better. 

Now i've always liked being on my own, like most bloggers and internet people I'm an introvert. Until recently I found it extremely impossible to be social, especially for long periods of time but now I can manage it, to a certain extent that is. I've come a long way from the person I used to be a few months ago, but in becoming more social the loneliness has somehow creeped in unnoticed. 


I feel awful when I sit there thinking just how lonely I really feel, I mean I have quite a few friends and couldn't ask for ones better than I already have, but for some reason inside of me I just have this massive hole that screams "you are alone". Sometimes it hits me at the randomest of times, I could be in the car with my friends or in a club and out of nowhere I just feel it aching my entire body and it feels like it's just taken over me. I don't know where it comes from and as I said, I have super lovely and supportive friends, however I just can't help that the feeling is always there. Always. When I pick up my phone I have no clue who to message, because I feel like I'd bother and irritate everyone if I even dared try, it's just a massive feeling of distance. I feel separate from everyone in my life right now. A few months ago I didn't know half the people I did now, and before that the kind of people I'd be friends with were completely different. 

For the past few years I've been in such an internet bubble that I didn't have any friends outside of it, they were literally all online and at gatherings and etc. The only time I'd see them was when I would travel to London or Manchester or Birmingham to see them, and that was once every month maybe. The sort of people I'd be surrounded with are nothing like the ones I'm surrounded with now, and that's not a bad thing, I love the people I've got now, it's just all kind of alien to me I suppose. I feel like I don't belong there, like I don't 'fit in' in a sense. The problem is that this in turn causes me to push a lot of people away. I feel isolated so I feel like I should push them out of my life since who cares anyway? It's caused me to ruin a lot of friendships over the years (and caused a lot of guys to run away hahah) and although I'm not as bad as I used to be, it's still there, eating away at me. 

I don't quite know the point of this post, I don't want anyone's sympathy or anything like that, I suppose my blog is just a good place to vent and I know that I'll have you all in the comments sharing your personal experiences and relating to it, meaning we can then talk about it together, it always helps. The thing is, even 4 years ago when I was crying in a hospital bed alone 2 days before Christmas day with a drip attached to my arm because I attempted suicide, I still didn't feel THIS alone. Which doesn't make sense considering I'm a fair bit happier now so surely I should feel less like it, life works in weird ways apparently. You know you need to make a change if even when you're surrounded by friendly faces you still feel like the most lonely person ever, and lately I have hands down honestly never felt this alone. Unfortunately I don't quite know what to do that's going to change that.

Isabelle
xxx
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24 comments

  1. I am not stranger to the feeling of loneliness, and whenever it attacks me I remember that God is there and that He is my friend, now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to brainwash you or anyone who might read this into my believes i'm simply sharing what makes me go from the darkness of loneliness to the light and happiness of true friendship. Finally the only I can say is thanks sincerely thanks for sharing your thoughts on this matter. X

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  2. I feel the same as you, I have a small group of amazing friends but I still feel lonely xx
    blossomofhope.blogspot.com

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  3. Thank you for sharing this. I can definitely relate. I wrote a blog post about my depression journey & loneliness had a lot to do with it. It can be difficult especially in our early twenties or late teens because we are all trying to find who we are. People who are suppose to be there for us are not, and people who are there for us ---- we appreciate it, but sometimes it does not seem like enough. It is like being stuck in the middle you know? But you definitely get past it.. I noticed that when I do what Miguel pizzuto said as well as surround myself with activities that i enjoy the loneliness is not so overwhelming.

    Thank you for sharing :)

    Nikki O. | www.herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com

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    1. I completely agree, i know my depression plays a huge part in my loneliness too! x

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  4. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can relate to this massively at the moment. I'm finding it hard to be at social events for long periods of time x

    www.57-days.blogspot.co.uk

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  5. Thanks for sharing this!I toally feel the same as you!

    http://carinazz.blogspot.com.ee/

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  6. Sometime I find myself feeling the same :c I've got lovely friends and family but at seemingly random times I feel lonely.

    Passion Blog | BCfactor.blogspot.com

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  7. I admire you so much for sharing this! You're beautiful and strong! XO

    http://perhapsbananas.org/

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  8. I used to feel this way so often, and I think the only thing that's really changed is me - it's probably not the same for you, but I kind of realised that the reason I was feeling so lonely is because I had a serious fear of missing out - I'd been comparing my social life to everyone else's, and making myself feel so so lonely because I thought I ought to be out doing things like they were. Like I say, we're all different, but if you can try and work out why you're feeling this way, maybe it'll help?
    I really hope you do feel better about this soon, lovely xx

    francesca | francescasophia.co.uk

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    1. Thinking about it, that might be part of the reason I feel this way too! Thank you gorgeous xx

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  9. lovely post, kisses :)

    http://itsmetijana.blogspot.rs/

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  10. I totally get this feeling and reading this was kind of what I needed because I tend to forget that there are people out there who feel the same way I do most of the time. I have a great group of friends but I always end up feeling neglected and extremely alone at the end of the day, regardless of what happens. The thing is we don't know who's at fault, you know?
    Thank you so much for sharing this xx

    Life in Blue Skies | A Lifestyle Blog

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    1. I know exactly what you mean, I don't think it's my friends fault I think it's more mine but what good is blaming yourself? Thank you xx

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  11. This was a lovely post to read, I'm also a fellow introvert and for me even if I adore the people I'm with I need that time away to breath if I don't I feel (for lack of a better word) foggy. Like my head feels to full and I need the space to exhale all that tension. Thanks for having the courage to share this.

    emma.
    Not Copper Armour // Bloglovin'

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    1. I know exactly how you feel, I get the whole foggy feeling too sometimes, thank you Emma! x

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  12. I can relate and I'm at uni so I don't have many friends, I have a select few but I only ever see them in lessons...

    Lauren x | http://www.huggled.co.uk/

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    1. Really? I live at home but most of my friends I only really see when going out on a Friday night x

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